


Have You Ever Been In Love, Barnes?

by thestuckysoldier



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Artist Steve Rogers, Bisexual Steve Rogers, F/M, Flashbacks, Gay Bucky Barnes, M/M, Memory Loss, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Protective Steve Rogers, Stucky - Freeform, The tiniest bit of Staron, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes, stucky cuddles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-21
Updated: 2016-08-21
Packaged: 2018-08-10 06:09:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7833325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thestuckysoldier/pseuds/thestuckysoldier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the events of the Helicarriers, Steve finds Bucky on the roof of his apartment building and takes him in to help him get the rest of his memories back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Have You Ever Been In Love, Barnes?

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my first oneshot! I hope you enjoy it and feel free to leave your feedback, constructive criticism would be helpful :))  
> Read away, my friends.

Steve hit the punchbag for the first time that evening. He had gone into his gym to unwind after a tiring day of wallowing in his past. Sharon, his girlfriend had been with him all day and they had talked about the past. Steve hadn't let his emotions show and had told Sharon that he didn't mind talking about Bucky or his past, but the truth was that with the events with the helicarriers that happened just under a year ago, it still hurt to even look at himself in the mirror; all he saw was the man he had become, the man who had let Bucky go and let him be tortured and brainwashed and created into an emotionless assassin. Steve punched the punchbag again.  
_We can put the couch cushions on the floor like when we were kids, it'll be fun._  
The flashbacks came flooding in. Steve punched harder.  
_Sometimes I think you like getting punched._  
He clenched his fists and leant into the punches, making the punch bag swing on its hook.  
_Remember when I made you ride the cyclone at Coney Island?_  
Anger, sadness, regret and guilt all poured out into Steve's punches as he slammed his fists into the punch bag with all of the force and emotion he had.  
_I'm with you til the end of the line, pal._  
Steve whammed his fist into the punch bag, tearing it off its hook and flying across the room and onto the floor, splitting open and sand pouring out.  
Steve was panting heavily, sweat dripping on his body. He got another punchbag, hooked it up and started punching again.  
He stayed down in the gym training for hours until his hands were sore and Sharon decided she should come and check on him. She went down to the basement and found Steve smacking his fists into possibly his fifth punch bag. Steve had a look of pure concentration on his face, but it was clear that he wasn't concentrating on his training.  
"Steve?" Sharon said quietly.  
The sounds of punching still continued.  
"Steve?" She said louder, making sure that her voice carried to where her boyfriend was.  
Steve ceased his punching and lifted his hands to his head, panting more heavily than ever and his hands aching and already with bruising starting to show, the gloves on his hands having worn thin with all of the training he'd done that evening.  
Sharon noticed tear tracks on Steve's face and a few fresh tears still seeping from his eyes.  
"Steve, why are you crying?" Sharon asked.  
Steve put his hands to his eyes and felts the warm wet tears gathered on his cheeks and around his eyes. He hadn't even noticed that he'd been crying.  
Steve didn't answer Sharon's question, but just took off his gloves and picked up a brush in the corner, beginning to brush the sand from the broken punch bags into a pile in the corner.  
"Steve? You've been gone for hours. Look, your hands, they're in an awful state-" Sharon said as she briskly marched to where Steve was and tried to take his large sweaty hands in her small but strong hands.  
"I'm fine Sharon, I'm not in the mood to talk," Steve replied gruffly, whipping his hands away from hers and continuing his brushing.  
He made a neat pile in the corner of the room and began to make his way out of the room.  
"Oh Steve, you need to stop breaking all of your punch bags, they aren't unlimited, you know!" Sharon nagged annoyingly, her voice only irritating Steve and not soothing him like it usually did.  
"I said I'm not in the mood Sharon!" Steve repeated, getting angry and making his way back to his flat.  
Sharon followed.  
Now that Steve and Sharon were together, they spent most of their time in Steve's apartment but Sharon still had hers as she hadn't properly moved in yet.  
Steve took a quick shower and got into bed immediately. Sharon got into bed not long after and still tentative with Steve's current twitchy mood, whispered, "Goodnight."  
No reply. She turned her back to where Steve's was already facing hers and fell asleep.  
Steve managed to fall asleep in the early hours of the morning, having been led in the same position with his eyes shut but his mind swarming with thoughts, preventing him from sleeping. But at last, he drifted into an uneasy sleep.

Steve woke up in the morning to find Sharon had already gone to work. He looked with bleary eyes at his clock on his bedside table and saw it was 9AM. Too late for a morning jog. He stumbled out of bed and went to the bathroom, stumbled back out and ate breakfast: a giant bowl of cereal and a cup of coffee.  
Steve took a shower and brushed his teeth and got dressed, ready for his day. He had no current job, so spent his days with Sharon on her days off or doing random things like sketching, or hanging out with his friends if they had time.  
Steve looked out of the window and saw that that it was a fairly warm day, it was in the middle of spring so the air was still slightly chilly but the sun was out and it was a nice looking day.  
He pulled on a black jacket over his loose black sweatpants and grey shirt and slipped on a pair of sunglasses and a cap to help conceal his identity and grabbed his keys and his phone.  
Steve slipped out of the door and went down the stairs of his apartment building and onto the street. He started walking, his feet automatically taking him to the nearest park where he spent a lot of his days sketching things. Steve sat down on a bench and pulled out his phone, having just received a text.  
It was from Sharon.

**I'm going out tonight with some friends and won't be back until late, thought you wouldn't mind. Have a great day -Sharon xxx**

**Sure that's fine. Sorry for getting in a grump with you last night. Yesterday was hard on me, I know I didn't show it and I should've said but that's why. Hope we're good. -Steve**

**Of course we're good dumb ass. I should've realised how you were feeling yesterday anyway, it's fine. I've got to go now, my break is over. See you tomorrow morning probably xx**

**Bye. X**

Steve always found it odd leaving 'x's at the end of texts. It seemed so odd that it came so naturally to others and the fact that it meant a kiss seemed just plain weird, but he knew he would still sound mad if he didn't put one at the end of his text.  
He put his phone back in his phone and looked around at his surroundings properly for the first time that day. It was a gorgeous day, with the sun not quite in the middle of the sky and a light breeze caught his cheeks and nose, turning them slightly pink with its icy bite.  
Steve heard some rustling behind him, and he looked over his shoulder. A figure slid back into the shadows and Steve turned his head back around, ignoring it and looked at the fountain in the middle of the park, with its softly trickling water sparkling in the harsh light of the morning sun.  
The figure in the shadows held his breath. It was him. Steve Rogers, Captain America, he was sure of it. He may be wearing sunglasses and a cap but after along time of studying his face in the smithsonian, he would recognise him anywhere. He slipped around the corner and nimbly climbed up a tree. He slid along one branch and jumped lightly onto the tree next to it that was in the park. He now had a perfect view of Steve Rogers.  
Steve got out his notebook and pencil that he always kept in his jacket, and began sketching.  
He wasn't drawing anything he could see, he was drawing the first thing that came to mind and that happened to be 1940s Bucky. Steve drew his perfectly sculptured jawline and cheek bones, his piercing blue eyes that had always meant home to him, and his soft pink lips that were turned up slightly at the corners in his signature smirk. His hair was short, styled in a messy quiff. It was the spitting image of Bucky Barnes.  
The figure in the tree watched in wonder as the face formed on the page. He had forgotten how good Steve was at drawing. He knew who the man was that Steve drew was. It was him. Steve had drawn him.  
Bucky was the figure watching Steve from the tree.  
Bucky sat down quietly on the branch he was perched on. He had about two thirds of his memories back and he had been trying to find Steve for weeks and now that he had, he found out the Steve was also thinking about him, as he had drawn him. Bucky smiled to himself. Maybe, just maybe, Steve might be willing to help Bucky get the rest of his memories back. But before Bucky could even think about a way to start talking to Steve, he was all of a sudden dangling by one leg from the tree, having slipped sideways in his hopeful daydream.  
Steve whipped his head up, hearing the disturbance in the trees. His eyes widened as he saw a man dangling from the tree. Then the face registered in his mind and his jaw dropped.  
Bucky smoothly let himself drop, did a flip to make himself land the right way up, and landed on his feet.  
"Bucky?" Steve choked out.  
Bucky gulped and panicked and before Steve could say a word more, started running. Steve was caught unawares by the sudden exit and so got a late start in chasing Bucky. Bucky dashed down an alleyway and scaled up the wall and onto the roof of a building and Steve had lost him. Again.  
Steve miserably made his way back to his flat, he couldn't believe he had let Bucky get away. But he hadn't tried to kill him, Steve thought, so that was a good thing. It must mean that The Winter Soldier was now reforming and turning back into Bucky. But Steve wanted to help. He didn't want Bucky to go through this alone, and so now he was more determined than ever to find Bucky.  
That evening, when the sun started to sink in the sky and the air got chillier, Bucky decided that he should probably settle down to sleep for the night. He was still on the rooftops in case Steve was still searching for him on the ground and so he jumped from roof to roof, until he managed to land on one of the highest buildings. It looked like a building where you could go on the roof, but Bucky just assumed that nobody would be coming up here now when it was getting dark and cold. He found a corner and led down tiredly, sleep already beginning to take hold of him. He'd had a particularly tiring day, and that had taken its toll on him, especially as he hadn't got a very good nights sleep the night before. He got his coat and used it as a duvet and carelessly tore off his shoes to use as a pillow.  
Bucky put his head down, curled up under his coat and drifted into a light sleep.  
Steve, back in his flat after a day of just wandering the streets in a small hope of finding Bucky, was restless. He had eaten dinner and had nothing to do. He wasn't in the mood to draw or to train and he'd thought about going for a jog to make up for missing it this morning, but that didn't appeal to him either.  
He found himself taking his keys and grabbing a jacket and climbing up the stairs in his flat building to the highest floor. Steve jumped and caught hold of a latch and pulled, pulling down a trapdoor with a ladder. He climbed up the ladder, and onto the roof of his apartment building. The sun was very nearly gone from the sky, and the moon was starting to fade into view, a silver orb amidst the blood red sky.  
Steve sat down on one of the chairs one of the other residents must have put there, and breathed in deeply.  
Bucky was awoken by somebody coming onto the roof. He heard them breathe in deeply. He quickly got his shoes from under his head and pulled them on hurriedly, without making a sound. He slipped on his coat, and was about to jump from this roof to the next, when he realised that he was on the wrong side of the building. To jump onto another roof, he had to go to the other side, where the person was sitting. He couldn't scale down the side of the building either, it was too high up and there wouldn't be enough footholds. He would slip and fall. Bucky was trapped.  
Bucky considered all of his options, and decided to wait until the person left. He shuffled back slowly and huddled in the corner. He thought he had made no noise but the shuffling had made a quiet scuffling sound, that only somebody with enhanced hearing could've heard.  
Steve heard it.  
"Hello? Is there anybody here?" Steve called out.  
Bucky's heart started racing in his chest. It was Steve!  
"Hello?" Steve tried again.  
Steve got up from where he was peacefully sat and began to make his way over to where the noise came from.  
Bucky could see his silhouette approaching.  
Steve saw the huddled person in the corner. What were they doing?  
He walked a little faster and stopped about a metre away from them.  
Bucky hid his face by burying it in his knees, and could sense Steve getting closer until he stopped, not very far away.  
"Hi. I'm Steve. Are you ok? What are you doing?" Steve questioned Bucky, but unaware that the man he was talking to was the man he had been looking for.  
Steve looked at the messy mop of long, dark hair, the large coat and big dirty, boots and realised that the man must be homeless. But how did he get up here? He must have climbed up the roof... But Steve only knew one person who could do that and that person was... Bucky.  
It clicked. It was Bucky's hair, he could see that now.  
"Bucky?" Steve whispered uncertainly.  
Bucky heard Steve say his name. He slowly lifted his head up and looked at Steve's face. It was tired, and he just wanted to sweep him into a hug and help him like he used help when they were kids, but now he knew that Steve wasn't the one needing help. It was him.  
"Buck-Bucky oh my god," Steve spluttered and fell to his knees and pulled his arms around Bucky.  
Bucky stiffened at the unexpected gesture but slowly let himself melt into Steve's embrace.  
"Bucky, you're freezing! Come let's get you indoors," Steve insisted, helping Bucky get up and they made their way to the ladder.  
They climbed down and Bucky sighed contentedly in the warmth of the building. They went down the stairs to the floor of Steve's apartment and Steve let himself and Bucky in. They stood in the middle of the flat. Steve was staring at Bucky with a smile on his lips but sadness in his eyes.  
"Bucky," Steve whispered.  
"Thank you Steve, honestly thank you so much why are you doing this I tried to kill you I'm so sorry Steve I left HYDRA I've left that behind I'm getting my memories back and Steve,"Bucky gabbled all out once "I'm so, so, so sorry," he broke down into tears, tears built up from decades ago, tears that had been compressed down until now when he finally couldn't hold them down, he couldn't keep them stored away and he crashed onto Steve's sofa sobbing.  
"Hey hey, it's ok Buck. I forgive you, you weren't in control of yourself. C'mere, it's ok you're safe now," Steve comforted Bucky, sitting on the sofa with him and wrapping his arms around him.  
Bucky shuffled closer and gingerly put his arms around Steve too, and rested his head on his shoulder, sobbing into the other man's back. The two sat there just content with each other's company and Bucky crying softly for a few minutes.  
They eventually pulled away, and Steve grabbed a tissue from the box on the coffee table next to them and handed it to Bucky.  
"Sorry, I got your jacket wet with my stupid crying," Bucky apologised to Steve sincerely.  
"Don't be an idiot Buck, I don't mind. And your crying isn't stupid, it's completely normal to cry, especially after all you've been through."  
Steve smiled at Bucky and Bucky smiled back.  
"C'mon, let's get you cleaned up. The bathroom is just round the corner, do you want me to take your coat, do you want anything to eat or drink, is there anything else you particularly want I can get you anything!" Steve babbled.  
Bucky chuckled softly.  
He took off his coat and handed it to Steve, revealing his dirty black jacket and dirty black trousers.  
"Oh, do you need some clean clothes? I can get you some, if you want to use the bathroom now and have a shower and things then I can get you a spare change of clothes and fix you something to eat and I'm sorry I keep talking so much I'm just so happy you're here and safe now," Steve said all in one breath.  
"Thank you Steve. So much." Bucky replied and made his way towards the bathroom.  
He locked himself into the bathroom and used the toilet as he heated up the shower, the steam swirling around the room. Bucky stripped his clothes off and stepped into the steaming hot shower, letting the water pour down his body, heating his body thoroughly for the first time in weeks. He used some of Steve's minty shower gel to wash himself and used his apple shampoo to wash his hair.  
He stepped out of the shower after about fifteen minutes of letting the hot water soothe his muscly, but thin and undernourished body, and wrapped a towel around his waist. He opened the door of the bathroom and Steve was there immediately with a pile of clothes, having heard the click of the door unlocking.  
"Here are your clothes," Steve handed Bucky the pile and let his eyes flicker over Bucky's bare top half of his body.  
Bucky noticed and looked down at him self. He was thin, and noticeably thin, he hadn't realised that not eating often had changed his body this much.  
"Let me get you something to eat while you get dressed," Steve suggested.  
"Thank you so so much," Bucky felt he couldn't express his gratitude enough.  
He shut the door again and pulled the clothes over himself, which were a plain soft cotton black top, some grey sweatpants and a pair of warm fluffy socks. Trust Steve, Bucky thought as he slipped the socks on over his feet. They were all slightly too large for Bucky, having thinned out and also being generally a slightly smaller man than Steve. But despite the difference in size, the clothes were loose and comfortable and Bucky felt warm, clean and safe for the first time in what felt like forever.  
He wandered out into the kitchen where Steve was preparing grilled cheese sandwiches, Bucky remembered it was one of both of their favourites.  
"It smells great," Bucky said quietly, watching Steve from a few metres away and taking Steve from surprise with his fats and quiet approach.  
"Huh- oh thanks," Steve wandered closer to Bucky and hugged him again.  
"You sure like hugs, buddy," Bucky unsurely remarked.  
"Hugs are great, yeah, but I'm just so happy you're here, Bucky."  
Steve pulled away and the two tall men looked at each other with happiness and familiarity.  
Steve noticed Bucky's metal arm, bare in the short sleeved top that he had picked out for him.  
Steve put the toasted sandwiches on a plate and got a glass of water for Bucky.  
He put them on the table and gestured for Bucky to sit down, and as Bucky sat down, Steve did too.  
"You're staying here tonight," Steve said, when Bucky was halfway through a mouthful.  
Bucky thought for a second and swallowed.  
"Is that a question or an order?" He replied genuinely.  
"An order."  
"Understood, sir," Bucky smirked.  
He finished the sandwiches and downed his water.  
Steve got Bucky another glass which he drank slower this time and his thirst was quenched and his stomach was now full.  
"Thank you," Bucky gave his appreciation to Steve.  
Steve put Bucky's plate and glass on the side where he would wash up tomorrow probably and wandered into his room.  
He grabbed a few blankets from his cupboard and went back into the living room, where Bucky was stood doing nothing but watching. He watched Steve put the blankets on the sofa and get the cushions and put them at the end of the sofa as a pillow.  
"I hope this is ok for you, Buck. Tell me if you need anything and feel free to use the bathroom. I'm probably going to go to bed now. Goodnight pal," Steve swept Bucky into a tight hug that was too short for Bucky's liking, and went into the bathroom.  
Bucky sat down on the sofa and smiled to himself.  
Steve came back out soon after and went into his room. He got into his pyjamas and clambered into bed, warmth enveloping him.  
He picked up his phone and saw there was a text from Sharon.

**Staying at a friend's place tonight. See you tomorrow. Sharon xxx**

Shit, Steve had forgotten about Sharon. He guessed it was lucky she wasn't coming home tonight.

**Sure that's fine. Why? Steve**

**At a club a couple of hours away from the flat atm. Friend's place is closer and it'll be easier. Xx**

**Ok. See you soon x**

Steve put his phone down and sighed. He was pretty tired after his emotionally straining day and so it didn't take long for his eyes to close and he felt content knowing that Bucky was close by safe.  
Bucky also managed to get to sleep easily that night, knowing he was safe with Steve near by and he was warm and clean.  
Until the nightmares started again.  
Bucky writhed and thrashed on the sofa, sweat trickling down his forehead.  
_The whip cracked onto his back, slicing his skin open and leaving blood trickling down his back, oozing from the stinging wound. Bucky screamed out in pain.  
Bucky whimpered in his sleep, and murmured something inaudible.  
The collar around his neck sent a juddering bolt of searing electricity through Bucky's body, causing him to bite down onto his tongue. He could taste the metallic tang of blood in his mouth as the collar sent another zap of electricity through his screaming body and he bit on his tongue, making cuts in it._  
Bucky awoke from his nightmare and swung himself round so he was sat on the edge of Steve's sofa. He was panting heavily and had sweat dripping down the back of his neck. He sat there for a few minutes, calming himself down.  
Then Bucky heard feet softly padding along the floor and into the kitchen. It was Steve.  
Bucky rose from the sofa and made his way to the kitchen, where he saw Steve fill a glass up with water from tap and take a large gulp from it.  
"Steve?" Bucky croaked, his voice gravelly from his disturbed sleep.  
Steve whipped his head round and saw Bucky stood there.  
"Hey, Bucky. What are you doing awake? Did I wake you?" Steve asked caringly.  
"No. Bad dream."  
"Oh... Me too. What was it?"  
"I was being tortured..." Bucky shuddered, "I don't really want to talk about it. And what was your bad dream?"  
"I-I-I was dreaming about... About the time on the train. I don't really want to talk about either. Are you ok? Do you want some water?" Steve offered.  
Bucky shook his head and wandered forwards to Steve so they were stood closer.  
"Steve... I'm scared to go to sleep every night. And tonight I thought I would be ok, I thought it would be ok because I'm near you, but the nightmares still came."  
Bucky wrapped his arms around Steve's stomach and rested his head on his chest. He looked up at Steve and Steve looked down at Bucky clutching to him. He saw Bucky's big blue eyes full of sadness, pain and guilt and held him tighter.  
"Do you want to sleep with me?" Steve whispered.  
Bucky stepped away from the hug and snorted.  
"What?" Bucky questioned.  
Steve was puzzled and then it clicked.  
"Oh my- oh my lord, Bucky no not like that! I'm sorry, I meant- I meant like when we were kids and-"  
"We used to share a bed, I know, I remember. I think."  
"So..."  
"Oh. I think I would like that. Thank you Steve."  
Steve took Bucky's arm and led him into his bedroom. Steve got in on one side and Bucky on the other.  
They curled up together.  
It felt different to cuddling Sharon, Steve thought. No, it felt more like home, it felt like the twenties. He had missed this, cuddling with Bucky, and he hadn't realised until now. It felt so right.  
The two men fell asleep in each other's arms, and didn't have another bad dream that night.

Bucky slowly opened his eyes, letting them adjust to the light as he awoke. He felt warmth, and a body next to him. The sun was shining through a crack in the curtains, it was only just coming up so it was very early morning Bucky could tell.  
He slowly looked over and saw Steve's peacefully sleeping face. He noticed the clock on his bedside table, it read 5:30 AM. Too early to get up, too late to go back to sleep.  
Instead, he watched Steve sleep. He watched the man with his limbs tangled up in the duvet, his chest rising and falling as he took deep breaths. His peaceful blank expression on his face, his long eyelashes pressed together and his hair ruffled messily.  
Bucky watched him like that for about another twenty minutes until Steve finally woke up.  
Steve opened his eyes slowly, the way that Bucky did and saw Bucky staring at him. He smiled.  
"G'morning," Steve drowsily murmured.  
He looked over at his clock and saw the time.  
Damn, he had missed his morning jog again.  
Steve felt refreshed, it was the best he'd slept in months.  
Steve swung his legs over the side of the bed and stumbled out of the room and into the bathroom. Bucky followed and sat on the sofa waiting for Steve to come out. After Steve came out, Bucky wandered in and Steve made a start on breakfast. He put some cereal, milk, bowls and spoons on the table and he poured him and Bucky bowl. He made a start and Bucky soon came back out and saw Steve had made him cereal. He sat down opposite to Steve and started to eat his breakfast.  
"Sleep well?" Steve asked.  
"Very well thank you. I really appreciate all you're doing for me Steve, I'm just not sure whether I deserve all of this."  
"Hey! You deserve this, whether other people think that or not. I want to help you. I know you're reforming, I know you can do this, and I want to help. So don't give that rubbish about you not deserving this. Because you do."  
Steve put his hand on Bucky's and Bucky felt a tingling sensation run through his body, making his hairs stand on end and he looked at Steve's hand on top his, wondering why it had elicited that reaction. Well that was new.  
Steve withdrew his hand and the two finished their breakfast.  
Bucky helped Steve wash up and then they got dressed, Steve lending Bucky some clothes again. He had put Bucky's clothes he had been wearing before he took him in into the wash, but Steve decided he'd have to take Bucky shopping soon.  
"So... Uh. What do you wanna do today?" Steve asked Bucky.  
Bucky tittered and said, "You really think I would know what to do?"  
"We can uh... Watch some movies!" Steve suggested.  
"Sure."  
Steve looked on his list and saw the Twilight saga, Fury had recommended them. He got the first movie up on Netflix and him and Bucky watched.  
After the first movie ended, Bucky and Steve both burst out laughing.  
"What the hell was that?!" Bucky spluttered.  
Steve only shook his head, still laughing and unable to form a coherent sentence.  
"Next one then?" Steve asked.  
"Hell yeah," Bucky said with his signature smirk that Steve noticed was beginning to come back through.  
They spent the day watching the Twilight movies and eating food, Steve was determined to get Bucky back to his once healthy size.  
They were halfway through Eclipse when Steve and Bucky both heard the front door unlock. Steve froze and his eyes widened. He had completely forgotten about Sharon.  
"Steve, what do I do?" Bucky frantically whispered, but it was already too late.  
"Steve, I'm ho-" Sharon wandered into the living room where Eclipse had been paused and Bucky and Steve were stood up frozen to the floor and staring at Sharon.  
Sharon flickered her eyes back and forth between the two men stood before her and slowly put her bag on the floor.  
"Steve, are you going to tell me why this assassin is in our living room?" Sharon said seemingly calmly enough but through gritted teeth.  
"He's not an assassin. Anymore." Steve replied.  
"HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT STEVE? YOU ARE WATCHING FREAKING TWILIGHT WITH THE WINTER SOLDIER! HE IS WEARING YOUR CLOTHES AND HELL HE PROBABLY SLEPT HERE TOO DID HE?" Sharon burst out.  
"YES YES YES YES! YES TO ALL OF THAT! AND THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT BECAUSE HE IS A REFORMING MAN AND I WANT TO HELP HIM. HE IS MY BEST FRIEND, MY BEST FRIEND FROM CHILDHOOD AND I WILL DO ANYTHING I CAN TO HELP HIM AND YES, EVEN IF HE TRIED TO KILL ME BECAUSE THAT WASN'T HIM. HE WAS BRAINWASHED SHARON AND TORTURED, FORCED TO DO THINGS AGAINST HIS WILL. TRUST ME ON THIS, PLEASE SHARON, HE ISNT AN ASSASSIN ANYMORE!" Steve shouted back and Sharon just shook her head in disbelief.  
"I can't believe you're doing this Steve. He's a monster and I want him out of our flat. Now." Sharon demanded.  
"My flat! He's not a monster! You know what Sharon, you can leave right now if you're going to act like this. Honestly, I was hoping you might've been able to trust my judgement on this Sharon. But I guess not!" Steve was fuming.  
Bucky watched with wide eyes as Sharon swung her bag over her shoulder and clacked on her heels towards the door. She turned around and looked at Steve in the eyes and said, "We can talk when we're both calmed down again."  
And with that the door slammed shut and Steve sat down on the sofa and put his head in his hands. Bucky sat down next to him and quietly mumbled, "'m sorry."  
Steve lifted his head from his hands and replied with, "It's not your fault Buck, it's mine. I'd completely forgotten about Sharon. I knew that she was staying at a friend's house overnight but I forgot that she was coming home again as she doesn't have work today. God, I'm such an idiot."  
"It's ok... I didn't really mean that but... Steve, I'm not worth all this."  
"Yes, yes you are Bucky, you are to me!"  
"No-no, well I shouldn't be. Sharon was right, I am a monster. Look, I should go, I'm sorry for wasting your time, thank you for everything, goodbye Steve."  
Bucky got up from the sofa and strode over to the window.  
"No-no Bucky no! You're not a monster, you're not-"  
Steve got up after him and just as Bucky was about to clamber out and climb down the drain pipe, Steve grabbed Bucky's hand.  
"Bucky. Stay. I want you to stay, and I don't care what you think. Besides, you're wearing my clothes. Please Buck. If you leave it'll break my heart," Steve said solemnly looking at Bucky in the eyes.  
Bucky couldn't say no to Steve.  
He shut the window and hugged Steve.  
"Can we finish watching Twilight? Please?" Steve asked.  
Bucky nodded and they sat back down together on the sofa, Steve snuggling into Bucky. Bucky smiled to himself as the blonde rested his head on his shoulder and they watched the rest of the Twilight saga.  
It was about nine o'clock in the evening when they had finished all of the movies. They had ordered pizza for dinner, and they were both sprawled across the sofa in a tangle of blankets.  
Steve had temporarily forgotten about his argument with Sharon during his Twilight movie marathon with Bucky, but it crossed his mind again after they had cleared up the living room and were now sat back down on the sofa watching a random TV show called 'The Jeremy Kyle Show'.  
Steve decided that he and Sharon needed to talk and since they had probably both cooled off by then, he told Bucky he was going to pop next door and talk to Sharon and found himself knocking on her door.  
Steve heard pattering footsteps and then the door opened.  
Sharon let an emotion of some sort cross her face momentarily before going back to a neutral expression and then said cautiously, "Come in, Steve."  
Steve nodded in thanks and Sharon gestured for him to sit down at her kitchen table.  
There was a short silence as Steve thought of what he should say, but Sharon got there before him.  
"Twilight," she blurted out.  
"What?" Steve looked at her confusedly.  
"You were watching Twilight."  
"Oh, yeah I know."  
The corner of Sharon's mouth turned up slightly, amused at the fact that Captain America was watching movies about vampires.  
"So who's idea was it? Yours or The Winter Soldier's?" Sharon asked.  
At the name of The Winter Soldier Steve remembered why he was here and retorted with, "You mean Bucky. That man, in my apartment next door, is Bucky Barnes. Sharon, Hydra had control of his mind, turning him into a ruthless assassin but now that he has escaped their grasp his memories are coming back. Why can't you understand that he isn't that masked assassin we encountered last year?"  
"Because he may be getting his memories back Steve but that doesn't make him a good man! Just because he can now remember a few more things, it doesn't mean that he automatically is a better man! He's killed so many people, Steve!"  
"No, he isn't a reformed man but he is a reforming man. He may never be the man who I knew 70 years ago, but I want to help him because he can be helped, I know that he is a good person in the right hands!"  
"Well that's your opinion, Steve. I disagree with you and until I am proven that I can trust him, then we are going to disagree."  
"But can't you at least trust me, Sharon? Trust me that you can trust him?"  
"I'm sorry, Steve."  
"Ok. Ok, ok. Well I think we should break up then," the words came out of Steve's mouth before he could stop them but he didn't regret saying them.  
Sharon gulped and her eyes widened slightly.  
"You want to break up with me? You're dumping me?" Sharon spluttered, shocked that Steve was the one to suggest that.  
She had always thought it would be her to break up with Steve if they ever did.  
Steve looked at Sharon sincerely and said, "You can't trust me, and I don't want to be in a relationship with anyone where they can't trust me."  
"No-no, no, Steve you misunderstood. I can trust you, I just can't trust The Winter Soldier."  
Steve raised his eyebrows at Sharon.  
"So... You can't trust me. Bucky is my responsibility at the moment and saying you can't trust him is the same as saying you can't trust me. So I think that it is best for us to not be in a relationship anymore."  
Sharon took a deep breath and nodded slowly.  
"I understand. I hope we can go back to being friends."  
Steve smiled and gave Sharon a nod of his head.

While this was going, back in the apartment Bucky decided to look around a bit in Steve's flat. He found a notebook on a bookshelf perched at the top of a pile of books, gathering dust, clearly having been unused for a long time.  
Bucky took it off and gingerly opened the simple plain leather cover. The pages were flimsy and stained a pale yellow, giving a tell tale sign that this was from back before Steve went into the ice. The blank page at the front had 'Property of Steve Rogers' scrawled in what was clearly Steve's handwriting.  
Bucky flipped to the first page and saw a few small sketches of some random everyday objects. The next page was a sketch of a tree, the one after that was of a boat on a river. Bucky was impressed at these drawings, he'd completely forgotten how great Steve was at drawing.  
The next page was a portrait of a beautiful woman, resembling Steve a little, with smiling eyes and a soft grin playing on her lips as she was drawn.  
Bucky recognised her as Steve's mother Sarah, she had always been like a second mother to him and he had always helped her whenever Steve fell ill with his small frail body.  
All of a sudden a searing pain shot through his head and he dropped the sketchbook as he clutched his hands to his head as a memory began to form in his mind.

_"Oh Bucky, thank goodness you're here, how was your day, good good, Steve is through here he has an awful fever and he's been asking after you all day," Sarah took Bucky into a shaky hug and Bucky replied with, "Its ok Mrs Rogers, he'll be fine. I'll go and see him now."  
Bucky smiled reassuringly at Sarah and he quietly opened the door to Steve's room.  
Bucky heard raspy rattly breathing as he made his way over to Steve's bed and he saw Steve's sweating forehead poking out of the thick layer of blankets.  
Bucky perched himself at the end of the bed and Steve pulled the covers away from his face and peered over to look at Bucky.  
"Buck," he croaked.  
"Hey Steve. How're you feeling? Do you need anything?"  
"I feel like death."  
"You look like death too," Bucky smirked.  
Steve raised his hand weakly and pointed sternly at Bucky, saying, "Watch it."  
"Or what? You're gonna punch me?"  
"You-" Steve was cut off by him coughing, his chest heaving up and down is he coughed heavily.  
Bucky rushed into the kitchen and poured Steve a glass of water and ran back into his room.  
He sat back down next to Steve and tilted Steve up so he could drink and lifted the glass up to his mouth. Steve took a sip and the cool liquid slipped down his throat, soothing his coughing.  
Bucky put the glass down on the bedside table and hugged Steve.  
"Can't believe you're sick again, Stevie," Bucky sighed.  
Steve smiled slightly at the affectionate nickname and replied, "Well it's not like I choose to."  
"I know... I just- I worry about you Steve. And one day you won't have your Ma here to look after you, and I couldn't bear for you to ever get really sick and to lose you."  
At that point Sarah entered back into the room carrying a damp cloth and sat on the other side of the bed, holding it to Steve's forehead._

Bucky came back to his senses when Steve came bursting back through the door, having heard Bucky's screams from across the hall.  
Pain was still tearing through his head, it felt like his brain was on fire, the pain was unreal.  
"Buck! Bucky, look at me!" Steve shook Bucky's shoulders.  
The pain began to die down as the memory took its place at the back of Bucky's mind.  
He was curled up in a ball on the floor shaking. He hadn't had a memory come back to him in a while as he hadn't had much to trigger a flashback so he'd forgotten just how painful it really was. It felt like he was going to throw up, but he looked up into Steve's worried, gentle, caring eyes and instantly felt calmer and the nausea began to fade away and the pain went away completely.  
"Bucky?" Steve whispered unsurely.  
"I'm ok now, Steve."  
"You sure? Come here, we'll sit on the sofa and talk about it," Steve pulled Bucky up and they sat down on the sofa.  
"I'm fine, honestly Steve," Bucky insisted, although Steve knew that wasn't the truth, Bucky had been screaming on the floor just a minute ago and Steve could tell when Bucky was lying anyway.  
"I know you're lying, Bucky. Just tell me. I'm not going to poke fun at your manhood because you were in pain," Steve tried to reassure Bucky, but Bucky just shook his head.  
"Please Bucky, I might be able to help you and even if I can't, I want to know what's wrong so I can understand what you're going through."  
"You won't understand how painful it is, Steve," Bucky whispered.  
Steve sighed and replied, "I think I will. Even after all of the fights and battles I've been in, I may not understand physically how much you're in, but mentally, I may have been through just as bad if not worse."  
Bucky shook his head again, doubting that Steve could have gone through anything that bad.  
"Yeah? Like what?" Bucky questioned.  
"When-when you... Uhm... When I didn't catch you and you fell of the train, that was the most pain I've ever been in. And then seventy years later to find out you were still alive, and I just left you there assuming you were dead, leaving you for Hydra to snatch you up. I felt like everything in my body was on fire. I cried for days, I tried to drink the pain away but with the serum I can't get drunk. Peggy helped me a little bit, but she couldn't stop all of the thoughts and regrets and guilt eating me away from the inside. I probably won't understand the physical pain but I know what it's like to be in that much pain, so please, explain it to me."  
Bucky gulped and ignored the thing that felt a little bit like jealousy at the mention of Peggy's name. He really hadn't been expecting that and he felt so sad, grateful and happy all at the time from this new information that he clung on tightly to Steve in a hug as he explained to Steve what had been happening.  
"When I get a new memory back, it hurts my head. A lot. It feels like my head is being sawed open, set on fire and shoved in a pit to burn and rot. I feel nauseous often, and it hurts so much. Goddamnit it, Steve, why are you so kind?" Bucky burst out suddenly at the end.  
Steve pressed his lips together for a moment, processing the information, and then replied, "What memory did you just get back?"  
"The one where you were ill."  
"Gonna need more than that Buck. I was ill for what felt like half my childhood."  
"Umm... You had a bad fever... You were probably about 14 at the time..."  
"Was that the time I threatened to punch you?" Steve smirked slightly.  
"Yeah," Bucky laughed softly.  
"Hopefully I'll be here next time so I can try to help you. I might not be able to, but I want to try and make it up to you for what you did for me all those years back."

Over the next couple of weeks, Bucky got a few more memories back, but Steve was there to help. He held him as he rocked on the floor screaming out in pain and they cuddled a lot. Anyone would think that they were a couple but to them it was normal, they had always been that affectionate back in the 30s and 40s. Steve told Bucky about breaking up with Sharon and Bucky comforted Steve when he needed it, however that wasn't often as Steve didn't seem to be too affected by the break up. He seemed almost relieved, like a weight had been lifted from shoulders that had been there for months, weighing him down.  
They went shopping for Bucky so Bucky wasn't borrowing Steve's clothes all the time and they trained in Steve's gym most evenings, both beating the life out of punchbags. They fell into a routine and a few months passed of them living a peaceful, happy life together. Bucky had abandoned sleeping on the sofa as whenever he did he woke up screaming from nightmares, so Steve let him stay in his bed (and it made Steve sleep better too, knowing Bucky was ok next to him).  
One evening, Steve was cooking dinner whilst Bucky was tidying up around the flat a bit.  
"Hey, Buck," Steve called over his shoulder as he stirred a bubbling delicious smelling soup.  
"Hm?" Bucky replied, fluffing up the sofa cushions.  
"C'mere a sec."  
Bucky weaved his way through furniture and into the kitchen where the smell of tomato and herbs wafted around his nose.  
"Smells good, Steve," Bucky sidled up to Steve and sniffed the pan.  
"It's my mother's recipe. I can still remember it by heart, after all I've been through."  
"Sarah would be proud of you, Steve, she would," Bucky told Steve wrapping his arm around Steve's broad shoulders.  
Steve turned his head to look at the sincere expression on Bucky's face and gave a small smile.  
The two hugged and Bucky once again felt a slight tickling sensation in his stomach like butterflies. It had kept happening whenever he made contact with Steve, but he had no idea why.  
Steve broke away, leaving Bucky feeling slightly lonely, and turned off the heat underneath the pan.  
"It's ready," Steve took the pan off of the stove and took it over to the dining table where Bucky had previously laid the table.  
They ate in a comfortable silence and afterwards sat on the sofa and continued watching season 5 of Supernatural. Natasha had recommended the show to Steve and they were completely addicted.  
Bucky looked over at Steve during the episode. He looked at his sparkling blue eyes adorably concentrated on the TV, his soft blonde hair a little messy at the end of the day, his sculptured jaw and his soft lips slightly parted as he concentrated on the episode. Bucky's heart was fluttering and he thought to himself, 'What is happening to me?'.  
He didn't understand why the hell he was feeling like this around Steve because he had never felt this way around anyone before, never felt this constant want and need to be around someone. But once again, Bucky ignored it and went back to contemplating why the hell Dean and Cas weren't together yet.

After a few months of Bucky living with Steve, Steve thought he would introduce Bucky officially to Natasha. Steve hadn't really spoken to Natasha much recently as his time was nearly always taken up with Bucky.  
The three met up at a coffee shop and when Natasha first got a glimpse of Bucky sat at a table with Steve she immediately wanted to grab hold of him and put a bullet through his head. However, something about the way that Steve was sat upright and alert, aware that Natasha might want to do something like that and wanting to protect Bucky, made her swallow her anger and warily sit down next to them.  
"What the hell Steve? We barely speak in months and when you finally ask to meet up you tell you're bringing the freaking Winter Soldier?!" Natasha hissed quietly so that nobody but the three of them could hear.  
Bucky guiltily lowered his head at the name he used to go by. Natasha made a mental note of this, as she was of all of Bucky's behaviour.  
"Please, Tasha, hear us out," Steve replied.  
Steve managed to convince her of Bucky having his memories and being able to trust him now, and although still wary of him, Natasha had formed an acquaintance of sorts with Bucky. She understood what it was like to have her brain and body messed around with, not as much as Bucky had, but enough to be able to decide not to kill him and to give him a chance.  
Eventually, a friendship was formed.

One day, Bucky decided to ask Natasha about what he was feeling around Steve. He organised to go for coffee with her.  
Bucky grabbed his keys (Steve had got him a key for the apartment a while back) and called to Steve, "Steve, I'm going out for a couple of hours! Be back soon!"  
He was just about to close the do behind him when he heard Steve's bare feet pattering behind him and heard him say, "Bucky?"  
Bucky turned around to look at Steve.  
"Yeah?" Bucky prompted Steve to say something.  
"Uh-I-Uh, where are you going?"  
"Out."  
"A little more specific please, Buck."  
"Coffee. With Natasha."  
Steve felt a little pang of jealousy. He felt bad for feeling jealous, but he did. Why were they going out without him? Bucky usually went everywhere with Steve, why was he going out on his own with Natasha? We're they going on a date? Steve hated the thought of that, although he didn't know why.  
"Err... I should get going... Don't wanna be... Erm... Late," Steve was brought out of his thoughts when Bucky said this.  
"Oh, yeah! Sorry, I zoned out there, but, uh, have fun, pal!"  
Steve hugged Bucky then and breathed in deeply, inhaling the smell of Bucky. He didn't know why, but there was something about the smell of Bucky that always got him dizzy with how goddamn good it was.  
Bucky nodded and was on his way to Costa to meet Natasha.

He got there bang on 11AM when they were meant to be meeting, and found Natasha sat at a table in the corner of the shop.  
"Hi," Bucky shyly muttered.  
"Hey, I already got you your coffee. I noticed you always get the same whenever we come here with your boyfriend," Natasha smirked.  
Bucky had taken a sip of his coffee and nearly spat it out again when Natasha said this. He quickly swallowed it down and spluttered, "What?!"  
Natasha just shook her head, seemingly amused and said, "So what did you want to talk to me about?"  
Bucky brushed off the boyfriend remark and didn't know what to say. He stuttered a little before saying as convincingly as possible "Oh, uh, you know, just wanted a chat."  
Natasha raised an eyebrow and leant backwards in her chair, folding her arms.  
"Come on, Barnes, you aren't fooling me."  
"I just... I'm confused, Natasha."  
Natasha leant forwards again and said, "What about?"  
"I-" Bucky cut himself off, unsure of what to say next.  
"Come one, Barnes, spit it out," Natasha gently prompted him.  
Bucky took a deep breath.  
"Ok, so um, you know Steve, right?"  
Natasha rolled her eyes.  
"Of course I know Steve you idiot!"  
"Oh god, I'm sorry that was a dumb thing to say," Bucky said in a fluster.  
"Hey, hey, calm down, just tell me what's going on, I'm happy to help," Natasha squeezed Bucky's shoulder reassuringly.  
"Right. So, uh, Steve. I keep getting these weird feelings whenever we touch or sometimes when we talk or when he looks at me or I look at him or we look at each other at the same time."  
"What sort of feelings?" Natasha asked.  
"Like, uh... It's sort of strange. Like I'm being tickled on the inside... But in a good way I think. It's scary, and I don't know what it means. What does it mean, Natasha?"  
Natasha knew straight away what it meant, but thought she should ask a few questions to see for certain.  
"So when you touch you say? Like, what sort of touches?"  
Bucky thinks about it.  
"Well, for example when we hugged when I left earlier I felt it. Whenever we hug, actually. Which is quite frequently. Also if we sometimes brush hands, you know?"  
"Have you ever been in love, Barnes?" Natasha dives straight in.  
"Um, excuse me?" Bucky is a little confused as to why she is asking that.  
"You heard."  
"I-uh-no, I guess not. I never really felt anything for the girls I would take out back in the 40s. I would kiss 'em, and dance with 'em, but I could never actually feel anything for them."  
All of Natasha's suspicions were being confirmed.  
"Homosexuality isn't a crime anymore, Bucky," Natasha says softly.  
Bucky gulps. Was he really that readable?  
"I-"But before Bucky can say anything, Natasha shushes him and continues.  
"What you're feeling for Rogers is love. Maybe you're not in love with him just yet, but by what you've told me and by what I've seen, you're completely taken with him. And he with you."  
Bucky's eyes widened. Holy crap she was right. He liked Steve Rogers! It was staring him right in the face, he'd just forgotten what it had been like to feel like that for someone. And what did she mean by 'and he with you.'?  
So Bucky asked.  
"Rogers came clean to me about his sexuality after the battle of New York. He's bisexual, and by what I can see, he likes you. A lot. All of those looks you said about, I've seen them, and he really, really adores you, I can tell. But now it's your choice, whether you decide to open up or keep it bottled up."  
"You're so wise, Jesus, Natasha," Bucky laughed weakly.  
Natasha slapped his arm at that comment and they talked until they had both had a couple of coffees and Natasha had to go.  
"I'll see you around, Barnes," Natasha placed a gentle kiss on Bucky's cheek and Bucky went back to the apartment.

Steve heard the door clicking open and put down the newspaper he was reading.  
He made his way over to the door where Bucky was shutting it.  
"Hey, how was it?" Steve asked.  
"It was great!" Bucky smiled and put his keys down.  
He then went over to Steve and hugged him. They stood in an embrace for a while until Steve finally decided to ask, "Is everything ok?"  
"Yep!"  
"Well can we go sit on the couch? My feet are gonna start to hurt in a minute if we just stay stood here."  
Bucky nodded and they went and sat on the couch.  
"So... What did you talk about?" Steve asked, curious.  
Bucky shrugged.  
"Was it like... A date... Or...?"  
Bucky laughed at the concept.  
"Jesus, no, Steve. Number one, who the hell has a date at 11AM? Number two, I'm gay."  
There. He'd said it.  
"Oh." Steve didn't know what else to say.  
There was no reason to have felt that jealous earlier. What did that jealousy even mean though? Deep down Steve knew, but he really didn't want to think about it, so he just repeated, "What did you talk about then?"  
"Natasha told me you're bisexual," Bucky blurted out, without thinking about what he'd just said.  
Steve gulped and replied, "Well it's true, but it wasn't really her place to tell you."  
Bucky but his lip and murmured quietly, "I'm sorry."  
"It's ok, don't worry about it."  
Steve gazed across at Bucky, and before he knew it, he was grabbing his hand and shuffling closer towards him. Bucky rested his head on Steve's shoulder and Steve carefully placed a kiss on Bucky's head, combing his hand through his long dark hair.  
"What else did you talk about?" Steve said quietly.  
"You."  
Steve remained quiet.  
"You and me," Bucky carried on.  
"Natasha would kill you for that grammar," Steve chuckled and Bucky took his head off of Steve's shoulder and looked into his eyes.  
"Steve..." Bucky whispered.  
Both of their hearts sped up.  
"Yes Bucky," Steve whispered back.  
They were now close enough that Bucky could feel Steve's breath ghosting over his lips and it sent shivers down his spine. Steve could see every single eyelash on Bucky's eyes, every single beautiful pore in his skin.  
Bucky slowly put his right hand up on Steve's cheek, and Steve placed his own hand on top of it, holding it there.  
"Steve, I-"  
"Shh, Buck, you don't have to say anything."  
It was the perfect moment, it felt like they were about to kiss, just when there was a knock at the door.  
"Fuck," Bucky muttered under his breath and Steve looked away.  
"I'll get it," Steve mumbled and got up to go the door.  
It was Sharon.  
"Hi Sharon, it's not a great time right now," Steve tried to keep the annoyance out of his voice, but was struggling.  
"Oh, sorry, I just wanted to see if-"  
"Look I'm sorry, Sharon, but we'll have to talk later. I'm super busy right now, goodbye," Steve shut the door in her face rudely, but honestly, he couldn't care less right now.  
"Was that Sharon? What did she want?" Bucky was now stood up in the living room as Steve came back in.  
"I don't know."  
Bucky gave him a questioning look.  
"Why not? Did you not ask?" He asked.  
Steve walked towards Bucky and said, "Well I had better things I could be doing."  
He grabbed Bucky's waist and crushed their lips together. Bucky, completely caught by surprise, didn't have time to kiss back as seconds later, Steve had already pulled away.  
"I'm sorry, I had to do that."  
"Please don't say sorry, Steve."  
Bucky brought Steve back in, with his arms draped around Steve's neck and Steve's around Bucky's waist. They kissed, softly and with meaning, pulling back only briefly for air.  
A couple of minutes later they pulled apart properly and found that they had crashed onto the sofa.  
Bucky still had his eyes closed and he leant his forehead against Steve's.  
"I really like you, Steve," he murmured.  
"That's good. Because I really like you too, Bucky."


End file.
